Living Like Dakota
by being.emilys.shadow
Summary: A new, younger member of the team has caught Alex Blake's eye. They both have lots of problems to work through, maybe together. I suck at summaries. Alex/OC Trigger Warning: alcoholism
1. Chapter 1

Dakota is her name. She is new. She's verybeautiful. Her skin had a dark tint to it, not very dark but dark enough to lead me to believe she may not mark "Caucasian" on surveys. She has dark, silky hair and dark brown eyes with flecks of olive green and gold in them. She's very kind and generous, always telling people that she's there for them if they need to talk. And a few have asked to talk to her and she'll drop everything she's doing, go somewhere private, and talk to them. I believe she does that because she didn't have somebody to talk to in the past and doesn't want anyone to feel the way she did then. I predict she lost a parent young, probably her mother. She flirtatious too, not like Morgan. She milder, subtler. She'll wrap her arm around somebody's waist or wink at them and then walk away. I think she only flirts with people she believes may be self conscious about themselves or their bodies. One day Garcia told us about how a guy had called her "thick". Then next day Dakota was touching her arm and playing with her hair. I think I felt jealous. I don't think she actually had any feelings for the people she flirted with. I think she drinks her prom lens away. After a hard case, she usually calls in sick and then comes in extremely hungover the next day. One day she unexpectedly came in with a nose ring, after taking a sick day I might add. I find myself looking to her when anybody says anything, wanting to see what she thinks about before I form my own opinion. I think I have a crush on her. I don't remember how a crush should feel. To call it a crush sounds immature. I'm nearly fifty years old and I have a crush on a woman who is barely twenty five. It's ridiculous.

"How are you?" I ask Dakota as I pour my coffee. "I'm okay. And you?" She replies. That's weird. Usually when I ask her how she is, she replies with something like "great", "fantastic", or "amazing". Today she said "okay". "I'm fine," I turn to face her fully. "Something wrong?" She shakes her head and takes a drink of her coffee, "It's nothing." "Are you sure? You seem different," I tell her. She had dark purple bags under her eyes. "Just had a rough morning." "It seems like you had a rough night too," I say quietly. I decide to do what she would do, asking, "Do you want to talk about it?" "No. Thank you though, Alex. Do you want to talk?" She asks. "No... why would I need to talk?" I ask her, confused. "You took your wedding ring off," she replies, nodding to my hand. I chuckle, "I hate working with profilers." She smiles, "But seriously though, I'm here if you need anything. I know the people at the supermarket pretty well, they usually give me a discount on ice cream if I ask." "Thank you. I'll remember that." Then she walked off, complimenting Reid on the vest he was wearing. It made him blush. He didn't get many compliments, despite the fact that he was a good looking man. I watch her sit at her desk. He phone starts buzzing and she sighs and holds it to her ear. I can't make out what she's saying but I can tell it's not good.

 **Dakota's POV**

I sigh and hold my head in my hands. I stand up swiftly and walk quickly to Hotch's office. "Hey, Hotch," I say sitting down in a chair in front of his desk. "Hello. Everything alright?" "I need the day off," I tell him. "Alright, but if you don't mind me asking, why?" He asks. "It's my father." He nods, "Alright. Be careful, please. Don't hesitate to call me if you need something." "Thank you." I walk out of his office and out of the building, saying nothing to anybody. I sit in car for a few minutes, just trying to process what I had been told a few minutes before. I wanted to tell him that I don't care. But I couldn't do that because it's a lie. I do care. I shouldn't though. I drive to my destination and get out. I sign in and go through the requirements, getting wander, giving my gun to them, generally just being checked for anything. A guard leads me to where I need to go, the infirmary. "So he's in there?" I ask. "Yeah," he says. "Okay." I knock gently on the door and walk in. "Hello," I say coldly. "Dakota," my father smiles. "What happened?" I ask. "I got jumped," he replies. "Are you okay?" "I'll live." "Do you need anything?" "No, I don't think so." "Okay," I say. "I'm leaving." "You just got here," he says as if he couldn't believe I was already leaving. "I left work to come here," I tell him angrily. "I had to go to my boss and tell him I needed to leave so I could come and see you, you son of a bitch! Don't tell me when I got here! I know when I fucking got here!" I walk out, slamming the door behind me. I gather my things and walk back out to my car. I hate going there. I hate seeing him because he just pisses me off. I drive back to Quantico and let Hotch know that I'm back. He seems concerned. I sit at my desk for a while, not doing anything. I rub my temples, my brain throbbing in pain. "Are you okay?" JJ asks. "I just have a headache," I tell her. "I have some ibuprofen, if you want it?" "No, thank you Jayje. I'm fine, we leave in a few hours." "Okay, if you change your mind, I'm not going anywhere." "Thank you," I tell her.

I pour myself more coffee, practically dumping the sugar in it. "Want some coffee with that sugar?" I hear somebody say behind me. I turn and smile, "What are you doing?" I ask. "Talking to you," Alex replies. And for the first time, I notice her. Like really notice her. I mean sure, I work with her but you can't really take somebody in until you look at all of them. She's very attractive. You can't really see under her pantsuit but she has a really nice body. "Why, though?" I ask. "I don't know," she says. "I find you very... interesting." "Well, Agent Blake, you're pretty interesting yourself." "Why, thank you, Agent Yankton." "So, what do you find interesting about me?" I ask. "Your name." I raise an eyebrow. "Dakota means friend or ally in the Yankton-Yanktonai and Santee dialects of the _Lakota_ Sioux language. However, the name Yankton is from the Nakota Sioux, meaning the end village. Therefore, your name means "the friend at the end village", which I find very fitting to you." I smile at her. "How about you tell me more about names and their meanings tonight?" I ask. She looks confused. "At my place?" I add. "We can order pizza and I can get that ice cream I was talking about earlier." "Okay," she says. "What time?" "Is seven-ish good for you?" I ask. "Yes. That's great." "I'll see you then," I say, touching her shoulder lightly as I walk away. I decide that I decide that maybe I'd like to try dating her. I wonder how she would feel about that.

Seven rolls around and Alex shows up. "I brought wine. I wasn't sure what to bring or what you liked so..." she trails off. "It's fine, thank you," I say. There's a silence. "So I looked up your name," I tell her. "Oh really?" She says, intrigued. "Alex means defender of men, protector of mankind. And Blake is a nickname for someone with pale hair or skin, but could also mean son of lake," I say. "And you're an FBI agent, so I'd say 'defender of men' suits you too." "I suppose it does." The night begins to fade away, we talked and ate, and now we are watching a movie. Well, I'm watching a movie. Alex is asleep on my shoulder. Her chest rises and falls slowly. I carefully replace my shoulder with a pillow. I don't have the heart to wake her up even though I probably should. I place a blanket over her body and walk to my room, pulling down my jeans down and replacing them with sweatpants. I take my shirt off and unhook my bra, throwing them all in the hamper before pulling a t shirt on. I pull my hair up into a ponytail and sit down on my bed. I turn on some soft music, unsure what the songs are and pull out a bottle of vodka that is sitting next to my bed. I take swig of it and set it on my dresser. I flip through the pages of a magazine, not thoroughly reading any of it. I set it down and sigh, unsatisfied. I suddenly feel sick. I grab the nearest trash can and begin vomiting into it. When I'm done, I set it back down and lay back. I take a few more swigs of the vodka and open my dresser drawer and pull out a pill bottle labeled "Hydrocodone". I got them right after I got shot the first time and I never took them. I uncap it a pour a couple in my hand. I hold my hand to my mouth and hesitate. I put the pills back in the bottle and put the bottle back in the drawer. I look at the door and see a sleepy Alex standing there. She had watched me. She saw me almost take those pills. Shit. "What were those?" She asks me raspily. "Nothing, Alex, come in here and lay down," I tell her. "What were they?" She demands. "Painkillers, Alex." "Are you in pain?" "No." "Then why were you going to take them?" She asks. "I wasn't, Alex. Go back to sleep," I tell her. I guess she decides not to argue anymore. "With you?" "Does that make you uncomfortable? I can sleep on the couch," I say. "No, it's fine. I just wasn't sure." She walks in, unsure of herself and sits down on my bed. "It's okay, Alex, lie down." She does and falls asleep quickly.

The next morning when I wake up she's gone. There was a post it note of the fridge that read, "Good morning. I woke up early and left. Hope to see to you at work. -Alex" I smile. She left a note. I take a shower and get ready, wearing a dark blue chiffon v neck shirt and skinny jeans. I walk into the bullpen and immediately JJ says we have a case. Penelope tells us the details of the case but I'm not really paying attention. I'm looking at Alex. "Wheels up in thirty," Hotch says. I make a beeline to the coffee machine and then head for Alex's desk. "How are you?" She asks. "Great. And how is the defender of men today?" She chuckles slightly, "I'm good. Sorry for leaving. I had to get clothes and..." she trails off. "It's fine," I say. "So, um, how much of last night do you remember?" "Are you asking if I remember you almost taking pain medication?" She asks quietly. "Not anymore," I say. "Would you like to talk somewhere more privately about this?" She's asks me. "No," I tell her. "I just want you to know that I don't do that often and I have never actually taken them." "Alright, but you were extremely close to taking them last night. You were drinking. That kills people, Dakota," she tells me, her features laced with concern. I scoff. "Do you not believe me?" "No, I do, Alex, but I was _not_ going to take them." "You had them in your hand, against your mouth. It sure looked like you were about swallow them and guzzle some vodka down with it," she remarks. "Are you trying to say something?" "I think you have a problem with alcohol," she says bluntly. "And I think you know you do. And I think you aren't willing to admit it for some unknown reason. But when you _are_ ready to talk about it, I'm here. We need to get ready to leave."

We finally have him. We're speeding towards the unsub's house where we believe he is holding two nine year old girls. Everyone jumps out of the SUVs and run to the house, their guns already drawn and ready to shoot. Morgan bursts through the door and everyone is running in. Alex is nearer the front and I'm closer to the back I hear people yelling clear and I run into what looks like the kitchen. There is blood everywhere, pooled in the floor, splattered on the walls and the fridge and cabinets and just... everywhere. And lying in the middle of the floor are the bodies of the nine year old girls that had gone missing. They had blood on their faces and stab wounds all over their chest and stomach. "Hotch!" I yell, not sure what else to do. I hear everyone's footsteps coming into the room but I can't take my eyes off of them. Their eyes are still open. "Jesus Christ," I hear someone mutter. A crime scene unit is called and Morgan and I leave because Garcia found another place he might be hiding and Hotch didn't think everyone should go. We walk carefully into the small building. "I'll take the basement," I say quietly. He nods. I walk down the stairs slowly. And I see him. "Robert?" I say carefully. He looks at me, scared. He knows he has nowhere to run. He hold a gun in his hand. He points it at me. "Hey, hey, no need for that. I'm not gonna hurt you. Here, I'll put mine down," I say, lowering my gun slowly. His gun stays on me. "My name is Dakota. I'm with the FBI. I work for the Behavoir Analysis Unit. We study behavoir." I start moving closer to him. "Don't come any closer. I'll shoot. I swear to God, I'll kill you," he threatens. "Okay, okay. Don't shoot," I raise my hands. I test him. I take one step further. "Stop! Don't move!" "I'm not gonna hurt you, Robert." I take another step further. And another. And then there's a bang. And then screaming and another gunshot. And I'm suddenly on the ground, blood beginning to pool around my body. Morgan is yelling into his radio. He leans over me, his hands on my chest. "It's okay, Dakota. I'm here. Don't worry." I try to sit up. "Don't try moving. Help is on the way, okay? Just ham in there." I breath raspily. It hurts all over. It started in my chest and grew until my entire body felt like it was on fire. "Derek," I murmur. "What is it? What do you need?" He asks urgently. "It hurts. Why does it hurt?" And then I black out.

I wake up and everything is white. I look around carefully. It's to move my neck. It hurts to breathe. Then I realize I can't breath. There's something in my throat. I choke. I try screaming. I move my hands up to my mouth, searching for the thing in my throat. "Stop!" Someone yells. "Let me help! Let me help!" I don't recognize the voice. I feel the thing being removed from my throat. "Thank you," I say. I can barely see. Everything is blurry. My voice is raspy. "Here, drink." I feel something touch my lips, a straw. I drink from it. "Thank you. Who are you?" I ask. "I'm your nurse, Karen," she says. "What do you remember?" She asks. "Blood. And those dead kids." I don't think I could ever forget them. "And then the unsub, he had a gun. And then the noises and then Morgan. And it hurt." "Alright. Honey, you were shot in the chest. If the ambulance had gotten there any later than it had, you'd probably be dead right now." "Where's my team? Can I see them? I can't see." "Oh, right, you had contacts." Karen hands me a pair of glasses and things clear up. "Thanks," I say. "My team?" I ask again. "In the lobby." "Help me up. I want to go see them." "Woah, woah, woah, they can come see you. There is no way in hell you will be able to stand up, much less walk, right now." "I need to see them." "I will go get them." "All of them?" "The policy is that only two people can come in at a time," Karen tells me. "But you're FBI, so I think I can make an exception," she smiles. "Thank you," I say gratefully. She walks away and is gone for a minute before coming back, with Morgan, Rossi, Reid, JJ, Hotch, and Blake behind her. To my surprise, Erin Strauss is also behind them. "Hello, Agent," she is the first one to speak. "How are you?" "She just got shot, how the fuck do you think she is?" Derek asks angrily. "Morgan," Hotch warns him. "Sorry," he mumbles. "Did you catch him?" I ask. "He died," Reid says. We all talk for a while, just small talk, we couldn't joke much with Strauss around but I was okay with it. I would warm her up to me eventually. Alex didn't say much. Then we do a one on one thing. Reid is first. He tells me about the recovery statistics for gunshot wounds to the chest. Then Hotch. He tells me that I will get paid leave so I won't have to worry about anything. Strauss is after him. I actually got her to give me a hug. Rossi tells me that he'll make food everyday. And Morgan apologizes several times and I have to tell him that it wasn't his fault. JJ is the next one to come in. She breaks down and starts crying and mentions Emily, who was on the team before I was. She says she doesn't know how Morgan handles it because Emily almost died in his arms and then I almost did too. I try to comfort her and we FaceTime Garcia and she is very happy to see me, promising to nurse me back to health once we are in D.C. again. Alex comes in last. "Are you okay?" She asks quietly. "I will be," I promise her. "Okay." "You know, I didn't get to say anything earlier, but maybe when we get back, we could go somewhere together... alone. Like a restaraunt?" I ask her. "I don't know." She says. "I think you should really just focus on getting better right now." "Alright." "I guess I'll go." "Alright, talk to you later," I say as she walks out the door. I sigh and lean back into my pillow. I am exhausted.

"How are you feeling?" Karen asks. "Okay." "Your team went back today." "I know." "And you didn't" "The stupid doctor said I couldn't. 'You aren't stable enough'." I mock him. "He can go shove his fucking clipboard up his stuck up ass." "Someone's feeling vulgar today," she comments. "What did Alex say before they left?" "She didn't! She didn't even come in here to say goodbye! I don't know what her fucking problem is," I say angrily. "Why are women so complicated, Karen?" She chuckles, "I don't know, hon." "Is liking men any better?" I ask her. "I wouldn't know," she replies. "You're gay?" I ask. "Yup. I though you knew." "Guess I need to have my gaydar fixed while I'm here." She scoffs, "You are ridiculous. But you're my patient so if you need anything, ask, but now I have other patients." "Okay." She walks out of my room. I loot at the TV. The new is on. They talk about the weather and then my face comes up. I turn it up. "FBI Agent, Dakota Yankton, was shot in the chest earlier this week by murderer Robert Hall. During the altercation, Hall was shot and died. Earlier that day, Hall had stabbed two nine year old girls to death and Yankton pursued him. Yankton was rushed into surgery and now resides in the ICU of Baltimore Reigional Hospital. Thank you," the woman says and then it goes to the sportsman. I sigh. I'm still on the news and I didn't do anything except get shot. My phone rings. I answer it," Yankton." "Hello, beautiful." "Garcia," I smile. "How are you?" "I'd be better if you were here with me! But I guess being on the phone with you will have to do for now," she says sadly. "Don't worry, I'll be coming back soon. Did the team make it back?" "Yeah. Chocolate Thunder thinks it's his fault. I think you getting shot brought up some pretty bad memories of both his dad and Emily." "You think he'll be okay?" "Yes, as soon as he sees you're okay, he'll be back to his usual self." "And what about Alex?" "She's just scared, 'Kota." "Of what?" "A relationship. She's been divorced for nearly a year and I don't think she's been on a date since before she got married. She doesn't know how to be in a dating relationship." "Well neither do I." "I know. And why is that?... Because you have trust issues, Dakota. You don't want to get hurt and neither does she. Give her time. She'll come around," she promises me. "And you know this how?" I ask her. "Because I'm the All-Knowing Oracle, sweetheart. And she talks to me. I gotta go do techy stuff now," she says. "Bye." And she clicks off.

In a week, I'm up and walking around and the doctor tells me I'm stable enough to fly back to D.C. as long as there is a doctor on the plane and I have someone willing to stay with me. I tell him I do even though I don't. I can probably convince JJ and/or Garcia to stay with. They'll probably insist on it, actually. I sit on the plane, the doctor watching me carefully. We arrive safely in D.C. and I get in a cab and tell him Penelope's address. When we arrive I call her. "Guess where I am?" "Where?" I can almost hear her smile. "Open your door." A moment later, her door opens and she squeals, "Oh my god! You're here! You're back! Come in!" I walk into her apartment where I see an open bottle of wine sitting on the coffee table, along with movie cases and popcorn. "Hmm. Having a night in?" I ask her. "JJ was supposed to come but then got tied up and I really wanted an excuse to drink wine but now you're here so I don't need an excuse! I can't wait to call Derek tomorrow and tell him you're back!" We sit down and talk about what's been going on. "So you wanna stay at my place for a while?" I ask her. "Oh my god, yes, I do. Of course I do! It'll be like a really long sleepover." "I'm so glad that I'm not in the hospital anymore," I tell her. "I got tired of all the white stuff. White beds, white walls, white floors, white dudes." She laughs, "it getting late, we should go to bed. I have an extra bedroom." "Alright." I go into the bedroom she led me to and collapse on the bed, falling asleep almost immediately.

* * *

 **Author's Note**

I'm not really sure where this story is going. I know that Alex and Dakota will eventually get together but that's about it. Let me know what you think of it and where you think I should go with it. Should I make the chapters longer or shorter than this one or leave it about the same? Most of the story will be Dakota's POV, a little bit of Alex's and I might do a couple chapters with Garcia's POV. What do you think? Thanks for reading.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:**

 **smut. angst. thanks.**

* * *

I sit at my desk twirling in my chair, unsure of what I should be doing. I take a long sip from my coffee. "Hey, are you still staying with Pen?" I hear somewhere around me. I stop my chair and turn to the source of the sound. It's JJ. "Nope. I started staying at my place last week." "That's great!" She says. "So what are you doing this weekend?" I ask casually. "Nothing, that I know of. What are you doing?" She asks. "I'll probably jut sit at home and order unhealthy food and then have to listen to my doctor complain about it," I tell her. "Do you wanna do something? Together, I mean? I know that you were with Alex and then whatever happened happened and now you're not, so maybe we could do something?" She asks. "I was never with Alex. But that sounds like fun." "I don't know any really fancy restaraunts," she tells me. "Well, I know Sonic isn't fancy, but they have fifty cent corn dogs tomorrow night and I had to spend many months worth of my paychecks on medical bills... so I'm broke." She laughs. "Alright, sonic it is. You know the FBI covers medical bills, right?" "They do?" I ask. She nods. "Well, damn. I gave the hospital $20,000." "Well, I guess they got a pretty good donation then." I chuckle, "Yeah I guess so. So I'll pick you up at you're apartment tomorrow night around eight?" "Sounds good. Just one thing, have you been cleared to drive?" She asks. "Nope." "But you do anyway?" "Yup." "I swear to god,woman, you're insane." "Well, at least I'm open about my sanity." She shakes her head and laughs as she walks away. I walk to Garcia's lair, my paper sack lunch in hand. I knock on the door and hear a muffled come in. I sit down in a seat. "What are you doing?" I ask her , pulling my sandwich out and taking a bite of it. "Nothing," she says turning to face me. "Is that turkey?" I nod. I swallow and take a drink of water, "Guess who has a date this weekend?" "Oh my god! Really?" She squeals. "Careful, this sandwich is all I can afford!" She laughs. "Okay, okay, with who? Do I know her? Do I need to do a background check on her? How did you meet her? _Please_ tell me you didn't meet her on the internet," she rambles. "I didn't. You know her," I tell her. "Okay, how well do I know her like on a scale of one to ten. One being, 'she looks familiar' and ten being 'is that woman my sister?' ?" She asks. "Umm... eight. We work with her." "Well, that's hard," she says sarcastically. "Alex." "No." "No?!" "No," I confirm. "Dayum, girl, I didn't know you were a player," she jokes. "Alright, how bout that woman Ariel who liked you?" "Not her either." "Well, you have found the All-Knowing Oracle's weakness. Who is it?" She asks excitedly. "JJ," I tell her. She looks shocked. "JJ? As in sweet innocent JJ? Blonde, size 0, amazing legs JJ?" "That's the one." "Well, fuck. I _never_ would have guess that," she tells me. "You thinks he's out of my league?" I ask her. "No, I just thought she was a straight as they come," she says. "Well, you thought wrong. We are going to sonic." "Sonic? On a first date?" "I'm broke, Garcia." "What the hell did you do with all your money?" She asks incredulously. "I kinda accidentally made a donation to the hospital without realizing it was a donation." "Only you," she smiles. "So what about Alex?" "What about her?" "Well, I mean, I know you liked her a lot. What happened to that?" "It was obvious she didn't reciprocate the feelings I had so I'm not going to wait around for her to realize she may or may not have feelings for me. I mean, hell, I don't think she knew whether or not she had feelings for me, Pen. She expressed on several occasions that she wasn't interested in me. I'm not going to keep trying to get her to go out with me if she doesn't want to," I take another bite of my sandwich. "I guess you're right, she says. "I am," I smirk. She pretends to fawn over me, "How'd you get to be _so_ smart?" I deepen my voice a little, like a know what I'm talking about and crinkle my eyes slightly, telling her, "Well, sweetheart, I drank milk. And you can be as smart as me when you grow up if you stay in school, don't do drugs, and drink your milk. Thank you." We both burst out laughing. "I'm pretty sure there was an actual commercial like that when I was a kid," she gasps. "I know!" I say, still laughing. Once we calm down, I continue eating. "What are you eating for lunch?" I ask her. "I don't know," she says. "I'll find something." "I brought something for you since you never bring your lunch." I pull out a pink plastic container and slide it towards her. "Thank you! That's so sweet 'Kota." She opens it to reveal a cupcake with pink frosting and sprinkles. "Did you make this yourself?" She asks. I almost choke on my turkey. "Are you kidding? I burn ramen noodles! The microwaveable kind!" "How the hell of you do that?" She asks. "I forgot to put water," I murmur quietly. "You forgot to put water. Were you high? Sleep deprived?" "High, no. Sleep deprived, probably."

I knock on JJ's door. When she opens it, she's wearing tight fit jeans that showed off the amazing legs Garcia had mentioned and a dark grey shirt that had a plunging neckline. "You look great," I smile. "So do you." "Are you ready?" I ask. "Yeah. Just let me grab my purse." We walk to my car from her apartment building. "Can you drive?" She asks. "Dont you trust me?" I ask, a cocky grin on my face. She shakes her head, a smile forming on her face too. I safely get us to sonic and we order our food. "When the woman comes JJ is counting out her money. "I've got it," I say, handing the car hop a twenty dollar bill. She gives me my change back and gives us our food. "I thought you were broke?" She asks. " I found a hundred dollars in my sock drawer. Funny thing is, I don't remember putting it there." We make small talk as we eat. "I'm glad we did this," I tell her once we finish eating. "You know it's still pretty early, we could go do something else." "Like what?" I ask. "There's a park nearby we could go to," she suggests. "Sounds great." I drive there and we get out. "Hey, wait, I think I have a blanket in the back of my car." I grab it and we start towards a hill. "So you just keep a blanket in the back of your car?" She asked. "I get cold sometimes while I'm driving," I joke. I lay the blanket out and we sit down on it. We talk for a while and it starts getting dark. We stand up and start walking back to my car. At some point, our arms wrap around one another's waist. We drive back to her apartment, talking about our favorite Grey's Anatomy characters. "I'll walk you up," I say once we arrive. We walk up to to her apartment door. "Do you want to come in?" She asks. "No, thank you, though. It's getting pretty late," I reply. We stand there for a moment. We are extremely close. I see her glance down at my lips. I lean forward a little. She does too. I seal the space between us and press my lips to hers softly. I feel the tip of her tongue swipe my bottom lip. I open my mouth and she slowly explores my mouth with her tongue. Her hand rests on my jaw, she traces it lightly with her fingers. Her other hand is on the curve of my hip. My hands are wrapped loosely around her waist. We break away, breathing heavy. "You're good at that," she says. "You are too," I say, lightly pushing the small of her back. "Are you sure you don't want to come in?" "Do you want me to?" I ask breathily. "Would it be wrong if I said yes?" "Not at all," I reply. "Yes. I want you to come in." She opens her apartment door, her fingers trembling slightly. As soon as we are inside, she has me pushed against the door, pinning my wrists above my head. I feel her mouth on my neck and I moan. Her fingers are at the hem of my shirt. "Stop," I tell her. She backs up. "Did I do something?" She asks. "No. It's just... I have a scar." "I have scars too," she tells me. She pulls her shirt over her head and shoes me a deep scar over her ribcage. I trace it gently, "What happened?" "An unsub cut me," she replies. I take off my shirt and let her see my scar. "You're so beautiful," she tells me, her hands rubbing my waist. "Take off your pants," I tell her. I hear her unzip them. I push her against the door and her bare legs wrap around me. "Bedroom," she says. She unhooks my bra and throws it. I find her bedroom quickly and drop her on the bed. I undo her bra and toss it aside. I kiss down her body, her neck, collarbones, shoulders, abs, navel, and her inner thighs. She unbuttons my pants and I pull them off. I drag her panties down her long, ivory legs. I lower my face to her core and trace her clit with my tongue, but not letting it touch the sensitive bud. "Please, Dakota, oh my god!" She moans loudly. I move my tongue down to her opening and lap at it before returning to her clit. I do this a few more times before finally sucking her clit in between my teeth. "Fuck! Dakota!" She squirms underneath my mouth. Her hips buck, wanting more. I grab them to steady them and begin sucking hard on her clit. I press on it and flick it with my tongue while I insert two fingers into her. "Oh my god. Oh my god! Dakota! Dakota! Please, Dakota, I'm close! I'm so close! Fuuck!" She screams. Her walls clench around my fingers and I feel her whole body quivering underneath me. Her eyes were almost closed and she was biting her lip so hard it looked as if it might bleed. Just watching her climax made me dangerously close to doing the same. Her hand pushes into my panties and she pushes two fingers inside me. "JJ," I moan. She pumps them in and out slowly, brushing my g-spot everytime. "JJ!" She thrusts deep inside me, impossibly deep, so deep I think even her knuckles are inside me and she pushes against my g-spot. "Oh my god! JJ, don't stop! Please, don't stop!" My whole body shakes. I have to fight to keep my eyes open. I let out a low, long groan. My hips buck, seeking more. She leans forward and kisses my neck, her fingers never slowing. She bites down on my neck, not too hard. I could barely feel what she was doing to my neck because my orgasm was so strong. She bites down harder and I beg her for more. She bites hard and I know it'll leave a mark. I like that. When my orgasm is over, I collapse next to her. "That was..." she trails off. "Like nothing I've ever had before." I look at her. "Was it good for you?" She asks. "Amazing," I grin. "Round two?" I ask. She grins back and straddles my hips.

I go to work the next day wearing the same clothes. I find my go bag quickly before anyone has time to notice. "Walk of shame?" Rossi asks. "Dammit," I mumble. The whole team is behind him. Except JJ, she's waitin to come in so it doesn't look like we can in together. Garcia smirks at me and mouths, "JJ?" Reid is asking what "the walk of shame" means and Derek is teasing him about whether or not he be properly got "the talk". Hotch and Alex don't say anything. "Can I talk to you?" Hotch asks. "In my office?" "Okay," I say, worried. I sit down in one of chair in his office. The blinds are drawn and the door is closed. "Has anybody called you?" "About what" I ask. "Your father's sentence has been changed," he tells me. "To what?" "He will be getting the death penalty. I let out a sharp breath. "Has his execution date been set?" I ask coldly. "No. The decision was just finalized this morning. I didn't even know they were considering it," he tells me. "Neither did I." "If you want to take the day off to process, I fully support that." "No, I'm fine," I say. "I'll stay. He's just getting what he deserves." I walk out of his office. I completely forget about changing my clothes as I walk to Garcia's lair. "Oh my god!" She says excitedly. "What happened!? Tell me everything!" I just stand there, numb, looking at the floor. "My father's getting the death penalty," I say, looking up at her. "What?" "My father is going to die." "Why? What the hell did he do?" "He killed thirteen kids in the 80s and 90s. Today, the decision was finalized. He is going to be put to death." "Shit," she mumbles.

"Hey, are you okay?" JJ asks. "Yeah, I'm just not feeling well today," I tell her. "Do you need anything?" "No, but I'll let you know if I do," I say, forcing myself to smile. "Okay. " I sit at my desk, scrawling on a piece of paper. The day passes slowly and I can't stop thinking of my father.

 **-flashback-**

 **"What are you doing?" I ask him. "None of your damn business, go back to sleep, bitch." "No," I say bravely. At the time I thought it was brave. Later I thought it was just stupid. "No?" He asks. "No," I say again. "Come here." I walk a little closer. There's a loud slap as he backhands me. He clenches his fist and starts hitting me all over. It hurts so bad. I don't know what to do. He's going to kill me. He's going to kill me. Just like he does the others. He going to kill me. He punches me in the nose and I hear and feel it crack. I feel the blood start to pour out of it and onto the carpet. I'll get another beating for that later. He grabs a whiskey bottle and hits me over the head with it. I blackout. When I come to again, I'm laying in the floor. I groan as I try to get up. I stagger and hold on to the wall for support. I pick up the clear bottle filled with the clear liquid. Vodka. I've learned that if you drink enough, it doesn't hurt as much. I hold it to my lips and tip it back, letting it burn my throat.**

"How are you feeling?" JJ asks me. "A little better," I tell her. She runs her fingers through my hair. I lay my head in her lap. "You look like you have a fever," she says, feeling my forehead with her hand. She pushes some hair out of my face. "Would you still kiss me?" I ask. "Yes," she says. I sit up and kiss her lips gently then lay back down, suddenly coughing. "Come on, baby, let's go to bed." "Thank god, I'm so cold," I tell her. We stand up and she wraps her arm around me, guiding me to her room. We lie down on her bed. I put my head on her chest, listening to her soft, steady heartbeat. "Jayje?" "Yeah?" "My dad. He's going to die," I say and then fall asleep. I wake up the next morning, feeling awful. My head was pounding and I couldn't remember drinking anything last night so that's unrelated. I wrap up in JJ's blanket tightly and close my eyes again. I wake up the next morning confused. I see JJ and realize where I am. I'm not going to work today. I've decided. I pick up my phone and call Hotch. "Hotchner." "Hey, Hotch," I say. "Are you sick?" He asks. "Yes." "And JJ?" "Asleep." "Both of you take the day off." "Thank you." "And Dakota?" "Yes, sir?" "Go see your father," he tells me and then clicks off. I lie there for a while. JJ stirs and her arms wrap around me. "'Kota?" She asks sleepily. "Mmhm." "You're so warm. Are you going to..." she sits up immediately. "Work! We have to go to work!" She looks at the clock. "Oh my god! We are so late! Get up!" "Calm down, Jayje. I called in for us. Hotch said to take the day off. It's fine." "Oh." She lies back down. "Can I ask you soemthing?" "Yeah," I tell her. "What are we? I mean I don't wanna be that girl who has to define her relationship. But I kind of am that girl." "I know," I say. "You're not the kind of person who just sleeps around. You want a relationship. I get that. I don't know what we are yet. I just know that this feels good and that maybe we should act now and think later." "Okay. One more question. Last night you said you're dad was going to die. Why? What's wrong with him?" She asks. "He's on death row," I murmur nonchalantly. She laughs, "I'm sorry, what?" "My dad is on death row in a federal prison for kidnapping and killing 13 or more children ages 7 to 15," I say. She is silent. "Oh my god." "His name is Anthony Spivey. I go by my mother's last name." "Damn." "I should have told you before we got involved." I stand up. "I'll go." "No. Don't. It's just... wow." I lean down and kiss her softly. "No, it's fine. I have stuff to do and I'm sure you do too." I walk away.

I end up at the pet store, somehow. My phone rings. "Yankton," I answer it without looking at the caller ID. "How dare you!" "Oh. Hey, Pen." "You didn't come into work today. You're sick! Why didn't you call me?" "I'm not sick, Pen." "Hotch said you were." "I lied to him." "Why?" "Because, Garcia, I'm just so tired." "Where are you?" "A pet store." "Are you buying animals!?" "No. Just looking. I might though." "I'm coming to your apartment after work." "Okay." "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "We are going to have a serious talk," she says and then hangs up. I look at the animals. The hamster just running on their wheels, the ferrets rolling around in their balls, the guinea pigs sitting there with their noses twitching. I decide I'm going to buy something. I look at the birds. I call over one of the assistants and pick out the one I want. She tells me it's called a sun conure and helps me pick out a huge cage for a relatively low price. She also helps me pick out food and toys and other things I'll need. I named him Anpetu wi. It means sun in Lakota. I purchase him and his cage and take him home. I begin setting us his cage as he flies around my apartment. He lands on my shoulder just as I finish. "Hey buddy," I say to him. The lady said sun conures could learn to talk if you worked with them but would only learn a few words and sentences. He stays on my shoulder as I sit down on my couch and turn on the tv. I think he likes me. I feed him a sunflower seed. He flies off and lands on the tv. I hold my hand out. He flies back, landing back on my fingers. I place him on my shoulder and we watch the news together. A few hours later he had fallen asleep on me and my doorbell is ringing. "It's open." Garcia enters and she gasps when she see what I'm holding.

"You bought a bird!" She exclaims, pointing at Anpetu wi. "Oh my god! You actually bought an animal." He stirs slightly and start fluttering his wings. "His name is Anpetu wi. Or just wi. It means sun. He's a sun conure." "Wow," she says, amazed by him. He lets her pet him and then I gently place him in his cage. He climbs around on the bars of it which makes me laugh. "So," Garcia says. "What?" I ask. "What happened between you and JJ?" She asks. "Nothing. I told her about my dad and I think she got a little freaked out so I left and bought a bird." "So you don't want a relationship with her?" "I didn't say that, Pen, I just... I don't think I'm ready." "Ready for what?" "You know, a relationship. I haven't actually dated any one in a long time and I don't think that JJ should be the first woman I date. She's very nice and I love being her friend and the sex is great but I just don't think that there's really anything beyond that," I tell her. She sighs, "I guess you'll just have to practice on me." "What?" I ask, laughing. She grins, "You can practice your kissing techniques on me." "You're not even gay, Pen." "I could tell you I was." "Haha, I'm not going to be you're straight girl experiment," I say jokingly. "Okay, okay, I guess I'll just have to stick with Morgan," she giggles.

We order food and invite Alex over. I start drinking tequila and end up drunk as hell so when she got here I had forgotten she was coming. "Alex!" I exclaim, holding up my tequila bottle. She seems surprised that I'm drunk. "Come 'er, 'Lex. Look at my bird," I show her Wi. "Oh, wow. Is that a conure?" She asks. "Mmhm, you're so smart," I say, wrapping my arms around her. She wriggles away. "What's his name?" "Anpetu wi," I say, pronouncing it incorrectly. She seems to understand though and I hear her whisper, "Sun." I wrap my arm around her waist again and lead her into the kitchen, to the alcohol. "Have a driiiink," I slur, holding a bottle towards her. "No, thank you. Where is Garcia?" I scratch my head, my eyes closed and reply, "Uhhhhhm, I think she left. I'm not really know." "Alright. How about we get you to bed?" "Mmhm, trying to get in my pants, Alllex?" I push myself against her. She pushes me away, holding me by the shoulders. She guides me slowly to my room and puts me on the bed. "Go to sleep." "Come with me," I say, flirting. She scoffs, almost a laugh, and murmurs softly, "I would if you weren't drunk." "How come, after I got shot, you stopped talkin' to me," I ask her. "I thought we was gonna be together, 'Lex. I wanted us to be together. But then you never even looked at me. And JJ and I did stuff together and... I can't remember. It was like one day we were good, I thought you liked me and I liked you. Then I got shot and you avoided me like the plague. What happened?" I murmur. "Well," she says quietly, "I figured you had a lot going on and that I was the least of your worries so I just tried to let you do your own thing." "Ohh. You're smaaaart," I giggle. "Wait," I stop. "What's wrong?" She asks, concerned. "Where are we?" I ask . "Your bedroom." I look around, recognizing it. "Oh. I don't want to be here." I stand up and walk to my kitchen grabbing he strongest liquor I have and downing the whole bottle before Alex can stop me. "You're going to get alcohol poisoning," she tells me. I shrug. "Not to mention the massive hangover you're going to have."

She was right.


	3. Chapter 3

My head pounds. It throbs. It hurts so unbelievably bad. I know I have to go in though otherwise people might start getting suspicious. I walk into the bullpen, sunglasses still on. It's so loud. It feels like everything is right in my ear. "Late night?" Derek asks. I nod slightly in response. I sit down at my desk. A glass of water is set in front of me along with two aspirins. I look up to see who had put them there. Alex. "Thank you," I mumble. She leans into my ear and whispers, "When you're not hungover, we need to talk." "Okay." I know she wanted to talk about my excessive consumption of alcohol. "Wheels up in thirty. We'all review on the plane," Hotch says as he walks by. It must be important for us to skip straight to the plane. We've only done that a few times, on major cases. When we get on the plane I decide I need to talk to JJ. I go and sit beside her. "Hey," she says. "Hey," I say quietly. "How drunk did you get after you left?" I shrug, "I bought a bird. Shit. I need to call a pet sitter." I call a pet sitter that takes care of birds and we make out an agreement and then I go back to talking to JJ. "I'm sorry about your dad," she says. "It's not your fault." "It's not yours either," she tells me. "I know. Look, JJ, I like you. The sex is fantastic..." "But you don't want a relationship with me. I get it," she says. "It's not you," I tell her. "You are kind and generous and you are very gorgeous but I'm going through a lot of things in my life right now and if we were together then you'd have to go through those things too and it just wouldn't work out." She nods, "I understand. But if you change your mind or get out of all that 'stuff', I'm still here." "Okay, I'll remember that," I smile. JJ gets up and walks away. My head isn't hurting much now. Maybe now I should go and talk to Blake. No. It might get a little loud and I don't want everyone else to hear everything.

I sit on the hotel bed, rubbing my eyes. "You're an alcoholic," I hear. "No, I'm not. I just get out of hand sometimes," I reply. "Sometimes?" She scoffs. "You are unable to control yourself around alcohol." "I don't need to drink, Alex. I can stop." "Then why don't you?" "Because I don't want to," I say. "So, what, you _like_ feeling awful?" She asks. "No! You just, you don't get it," I star rubbing my eyes again. "So help me! Help me understand!" She screams. "I can't make you understand if I don't understand it myself!" I scream back. "You're being unreasonable!" "Unreasonable?! I'm being unreasonable?! You're being insensitive!" "Do you even know what that word means?!" What? Are you calling me dumb now? Because I'm not a show off and I don't have 50 million thousand degrees?!" "50 million thousand isn't a number!" "That's not the point, Alex!" "Then what is?!" She shouts. "The _point_ is that I don't know what's going on! I can't _tell_ you what's going on with me because I don't fucking know what's going on with me!" "See a psychologist!" "The fuck?! You think I'm crazy? I'm not crazy, Alex! I drink! So do you!" "Drink?" She scoffs. "You go on a fucking bender and get so drunk you can't even recognize your own bedroom!" "So I'll tone it down! Don't just assume I'm an alcoholic and that I need to see a shrink! Don't you think I've fucking tried that, Alex! Don't you think I've been to therapy, Alex! You don't know me! You don't know anything about me!" "I know you give up on things! Just like you've given up on yourself!" "I've given up on myself?!" I say incredulously. "I've given up on myself! How about the fact that after I got shot you barely spoke to me for a month and treated me like I was damaged goods or something? I know how screwed up I am, Alex! I know _exactly_ screwed up I am! I don't need _you_ to come tell me how to live my life!" "Listen to yourself!" "No!" I scream. " _You_ listen to _yourself_!" I yell and then storm out of the hotel room, slamming the door on the way out. I stomp down to the lobby and sit in one of the chairs that are there. I lean back in one of them and fight off tears. I don't know why I feel like crying. But I do. A tear slip out of my eye and I wipe it away quickly. I take out my phone, dialing a familiar number and holding it to my ear. "Penelope Garcia, knowledgeable best friend, at your service," she says cheerily. "Pen," I say shakily. "Oh, honey, what's wrong?" She asks concerned. "I don't even know," I laugh softly. "Is it JJ?" She asks. "No." "Alex?" "I guess." "You guess? Sweetheart, what happened?" "She thinks I'm an alcoholic and then I got mad and she got mad and we were screaming at each other and I'm pretty sure the whole floor heard us and I just... I don't do well with conflict. I don't like fighting." "I know, baby. You're a lover, not a fighter. What else happened?" "She thinks I've given up on myself, Pen. Do you think that?" More tears have started to fall from my face. "No, sweetheart," she tells me, but she seems unsure. "I have to go. I just need time to think," I hang up quickly. I bite my lower lip to keep it from trembling. I walk out of the hotel, into the rain and sit on a wet bench. I hold my head in my hands. A man offers me a cigarette and I accept it graciously. I take long draws from it. I've never like cigarettes. I don't like the taste or the feel or the burn. It just doesn't please me. The man makes small talk and then asks me back to his car.

We walk to his car in the light rain. We sit in the backseat. I know what he wants. I've never been with a man. But when he starts to unbuckle his pants and kiss me, I don't stop him. I don't like the feel of his scratchy, unshaven face against mine or how rough he was or the feel of his hairy legs against mine. I'm not going to tell him to stop though because he is already almost inside me. I wouldn't want to prevent him from deriving pleasure from this experience even if I couldn't. I feel him push inside me. It hurts. I am allowing a man whose name I don't even know take my straight virginity. I had been fucked with a dildo before. So it isn't really him being inside me that hurts me. It just kinda hurts my feelings. After he finishes, I put my clothes back on and get out the car, without saying another word. I walk back inside the hotel, feeling even worse than when I had walked out. I walk back into my hotel room and fortunately, Alex isn't there. JJ is though. "Are you okay?" She asks gently. I nod, not wanting to speak for fear my voice might betray me. "I'm gonna take a shower," I say quietly. I stand in the shower, letting the hot water hit me. Slowly, the hot water turns cold and I'm still just standing there. I stand there until I'm shaking. I step out, turning the cold water off and get dressed. It's one o clock in the morning. JJ is asleep in her bed. I lie down in mine, staring at the ceiling. I don't go to sleep. JJ wakes up the next morning and I'm still just staring st the ceiling under the covers. "Did you go to sleep at all," she yawns. I shake my head no. "Dakota," she says seriously. "Look at me." I look at her. She looks concerned. "What the hell happened?" She asks. "I think that... after this case, I'm going to quit," I say. "What?" "Or ask for a transfer. I don't know." "Are you being serious?" She asks. I nod, "I just don't feel like I'm really benefitting this team the way another agent could. I think I would be more helpful in another area of the BAU or even of the FBI." "Please don't leave," she begs me. "I know there's a lot of shit that's going on between you and Alex but you can work it and everything can be normal again." "JJ, it's not just Alex. I don't think I realized what this job would be like when I signed up for it. I just need some time."

 **3 Weeks Later**

I'm drunk. That's all I know. I don't know where I'm at. I lost my car. Or my keys. Hell, I lost both. I stumble into a bar and set a twenty dollar bill on the counter. "Give me whatever you got," I hiccup. The bartender slides the twenty back to me. "I think you've already had enough for the day. Maybe even the month." I take my twenty and stumble back out. Literally. I fall on the way out. I try to find a familiar place until I'm knocking on an apartment door. It might be mine. I can't tell. I'm leaning on the door when it opens and I fall to the perosn's feet. "Jesus!" The woman helps me up. "Where?" I ask, looking around for Jesus. "Come in." I can't make out who the woman is. "Do you remember me?" She asks. "Caillou?" I giggle. "No. Alex. Alex Blake. We used to work together. Remember?" "Nope!" "Hey, guess what?" "What?" "I had sex with a guy for the first time a few weeks ago." "What?" "Yeah. At a hotel. I'm the parking lot. I was fighting with someone, I don't remember who and went outside the hotel and then had sex with him in his car," I tell her. "Are you pregnant?" She asks worriedly. "No," I say, pointing a finger at her. I stand up. "Hey, do you have any alcohol here?" "No, I don't," she says, sitting me back down. "That man in the parking lot, did he use a condom?" I shake my head no. "Are you on birth control?" She asks. I shake my head again. "Oh my god," she mumbles and then gets on the phone with someone and starts talking about tests or something. She must be smart. A few minutes later another blonde woman comes in with a bag of stuff. "I got them," she says. She looks familiar. "Hey, do you have to pee?" She asks. "What?" I ask, confused. She puts something in my hand. "Go pee on this," she commands. I'm not going to argue with her. "Okay." She leads me to a bathroom. I do as she told me to and then sit the stick on a cloth in the bathroom. I open the door and almost fall. "'S in there." The brunette leads me to a couch and sits down with me. "You're pretty," I giggle. She's bouncing her knee. The blonde walks in a minute later the stick in her hand. "It's negative," she says, sounding relieved. "Oh, thank god," the brunette says. She guides me to another room. It has a bed. "Try to go to sleep," she says. "What time is it?" I ask. "It's... 1 one I clock. In the morning. It's really late so you need to sleep." I fall asleep quickly.

When I wake up, I'm confused. I groan, holding my head. Where the hell am I? I stand up and walk out of the room I'm in. I need to get home. I almost scream when I hear a voice behind me. "You're awake." I turn. "Don't sneak up on me like that," I say. "Sorry," Alex says. "Why am I here?" I ask. "You came here last night drunk out your mind. You didn't know where you were. You didn't know who I was. I'm pretty sure you didn't even recognize JJ," she pauses for a moment. "You told me you have sex with a man. In a parking lot. And that you didn't use a condom." "I'm not pregnant," I tell her immediately. "I know. You took a pregnancy test last night. It was negative." "Okay." I don't feel relieved at hearing that. I feel... sad. "Had you already taken one?" She asks. I shake my head no. "So how'd you know you weren't pregnant?" She asks. "I just... I just did, Alex. I don't want to talk about that with you right now." "Okay," she says. "I respect that. But we still need to talk." "I know," I say. "I know I'm an alchoholic. I knew at the hotel. I knew when I started the team. I knew the first time I ever drank alcohol that I wasn't going to able to drink just one beer or just one glass of wine. I've always known, Alex. I've been in denial for nearly twenty years of my life." "So why didn't you ask for help?" "Because I wanted to be independent. No, I wanted to be stubborn. I thought I could do it myself. I thought that maybe I could finally get my life in control once I started at the BAU but instead I just spiraled even more. I'm sorry, Alex. For the things I said. Last night and before that." "I'm sorry too. There are things I've said to you that I shouldn't have." "I don't know what to do now," I say. "I don't have a job. And god only knows where my car is. I don't have any family and I lost all my friends." "You didn't lose us," she tells me. "Hotch hasn't hired anyone yet, in case you come back. We all still miss you. And we would all be more than happy to help you." "I don't even know how to help myself, Alex. I don't know whether I should go to rehab or AA or what alcoholics even do when they're trying to get better." "Well, how about you just start out by not drinking," she suggests. "Alright. But I really need to try and find my car." She laughs.

We end up back at my apartment. I feed Anpetu wi and let him fly around. I'm supposed to take him to the vet in a week to have his beak and nails trimmed for the first time. We stand in my kitchen, all my bottles of vodka and tequila and every other alcohol I have. She takes one and hands it to me. "Pour it out," she says gently. "Just like that?" I ask. "Just like that." I hold it for a moment. Then I pour it into the sink. We do this with all of the bottles until they are all empty. "How old were you when you first drank alcohol?" She asks. "Nine," I reply. Anpetu wi lands on my shoulder and sits there for a while. "My father was an alcoholic. I'm sure you've heard of Anthony Spivey?" She nods. "Well, he's my father. He was always drinking. We never had any money. He didn't work. He stole most of his alcohol and I got food from the food drive we had at school every week. When I was in middle school, the teachers would slip me money so I could buy extra lunch. When I was in eighth grade I started using it for other things besides lunch. Alcohol. Drugs. And once the teachers found out, they stopped giving me money. So I started begging for money on the side of the road with cardboard signs. Then high school came around and I barely got through it. I was barely home because when I did go home, my father would beat the shit out of me. So I stayed at convienece stores and would eat the hot dogs they threw away. When the store closed, I would find a party and get drunk or high or have sex with girls who were older than me. And then I would sneak back into my house at two am or whatever time it was. And I always passed my dad, passed out in the stupid recliner. And I would always consider getting a knife and just killing him. Or hitting him over the head with a beer bottle. I knew what he did. I knew that he killed kids all the time. And I never knew who to tell. I didn't know if I should go to the police and then I started drinking all the time and smoking weed at least three times a week and I figured they wouldn't believe me so I never bothered. I regret that now." She didn't look freaked out. She just listened intently. Anpetu wi had fallen asleep on me. I very gently sit him on the only platform in his cage and sit back down next to Alex. "I think I fell in love with you," she tells me. "And then we had that big argument and you were gone after that case." We sit there for a while. "You're married," I say. "I got a divorce." I turn to face her, my face inches from hers. "We shouldn't," she says. But we do anyway.


End file.
